Sometimes I want to make silly mistakes that lead to big problems. Sometimes I just want to sit back and watch my own world fall apart. Sometimes I want to be the one who cries first when something happens. Sometimes I want to demand, complain, and blame people. Sometimes I want to be the innocent victim of my own crime.
This careful life is tiring and energy-consuming. Sometimes I want to lose control of everything. Like I’m floating in the sea, no swimming, no surviving.
Every night I lie in my bed, awake, and stare at the dark. This is my kind of meditation. At that time, it feels like I am the only one in the whole world. The silence of the night is so calming, and a part of me hopes it will never end. But then the sun rises, and a new day of a careful life begins.
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